Coronavirus: Staying Sane and Building Resiliency
We are experiencing a unique crisis in our country and our world right now with the coronavirus. People are scared, uptight, and anxious. All the abrupt changes to our daily lives have us all out of sorts. Anxiety hates uncertainty and discomfort, and we are swimming in it. As a therapist, I believe that there are ways that we can approach this situation to protect our mental wellness and to do our part to help our world not only survive this difficult time but thrive in spite of it. Here are some tips to live by:
Listen and Learn. Right now, there is round-the-clock news coverage on this virus. It is our job to educate ourselves on what is going on in our world and what we need to do to keep our families and our communities safe. There are experts that have devoted their lives to studying medicine, public health, and infectious disease. Let’s listen to them and follow their instructions. There is no need to binge-watch the news coverage and listen to everyone’s opinions on the information. Find the experts, listen to them, and do what they tell us to do…. even if we don’t like what they are telling us.
Support our Leaders: This is an incredibly difficult time to be a leader. Right now, leadership in our schools, our communities, our cities, our nation, our hospitals, and our businesses is a tough place to be. These leaders are all human, and they are all feeling the same feelings we are. They are facing uncertainty and concern for their families, friends, and communities. However, in addition, they are on the front lines having to make incredibly difficult decisions and navigate all the complexities and reactions their decisions create. These leaders are working long hours and facing tremendous pressure and stress. Let’s give them some grace. It doesn’t matter if you voted for the leader, like the leader, or agree with everything they say. We need leadership right now, and it is a brutal job. Let’s not be a part of the peanut gallery that attacks every single decision our leaders make. Let them lead.
Embrace Self-Care: As anxieties emerge, take good care of yourself. Sleep. Eat healthy foods. Exercise. Stretch. Pray. Meditate. Listen to music and read books that make you feel good and at peace. Sit outside and breathe in some fresh air. With increased anxiety and stress, self-care is more important than ever. We can’t be good for others if we are depleted and exhausted. Take the time to nurture yourself. You are worth it.
Do not take your emotions at face value - especially anger. We are all under stress right now. Fear, grief, and disappointment are all in full force. The news is full of scary statistics and predictions. Trips and special events have been canceled, and money has been lost. Athletes, artists, performers, fundraisers, and countless others have dedicated their lives to a craft, event, or performance only to find that what they have been working towards has been canceled. Food and supplies feel scarce and financial security feels frail. There is a saying in the therapy world that “anger is a lazy form of grief .”Rather than sifting through the disappointments, sadness, and anxiety, it is so easy to react in anger and project it out to others. Anger feels much more empowering than the quieter emotions of sadness and disappointment. However, spewing anger toward others never satisfies. It doesn’t make us feel better and creates negative interactions with others. Slow down and take some time to reflect on what you are actually feeling. Be curious about your emotions and find constructive ways to work through them. Journal privately or find a loved one to process your concerns. Anger pushes people away, and we need people right now.
Keep Our Defense Mechanisms in Check. Our reactions to uncomfortable information will teach us a lot about ourselves. Right now, we are all feeling vulnerable. Our health, our families, our neighbors, and our livelihood feel fragile. Rather than finding constructive ways to take in information, process our feelings, and problem solve the next steps - there are very common defense mechanisms people use to mask vulnerable feelings. Chances are, if you are doing this now, you will do this in other areas of your life. Be aware of these tendencies and intentionally work to resist the urge to fall into these destructive patterns:
Defense Mechanisms #1: Dismissive/Denial: Do you take in difficult information and immediately cut it in half? People who use this defense mechanism are going to immediately embrace the narrative that everyone is overreacting to everything. This stance is rarely based on factual information or sound reasoning. This defense is popular for people who tend to have low thresholds for negative emotion and cope by denying or filtering out situations that make them feel discomfort. While this defense mechanism is a powerful way to numb uncomfortable feelings, it numbs positive feelings and creates a great deal of distance and frustration in relationships. Emotional intimacy and connection require us to sit with others in heartache and pain. Loved ones want to feel validated and supported. If we can’t sit in our own pain, we certainly can’t sit with others in their pain. If this is your defense mechanism of choice, be intentional about not judging others for their emotions. Even if you struggle to see their point of view, embrace that emotions are a part of the human experience and offer love and comfort- rather than trying to dismiss or talk someone out of their feelings.
Defense Mechanism #2: Criticism/Contempt: This defense mechanism is a powerful way to transform feelings of vulnerability and insecurity and project them into anger and criticism. Not sure if this is you? Rather than looking at scientific data, are you creating an enemy or entity to blame for all of this? Do you find yourself commenting on others’ ignorance and stupidity at a rapid pace? If you are transforming your insecurities around this virus by projecting blame on the media, the government, or any other political institution, chances are you fall into this category, and you cope with vulnerability by making yourself feel like you are the smartest person in the room. While this defense makes you feel superior and empowered, it can be devastating not only to your relationships but to your heart and soul. While this defense masks insecurity, it also fills you with resentment, bitterness, and contempt. Fight this urge and work to get out of that black and white thinking. Embrace grace and understanding. Build a higher threshold for people who see and experience the world differently than you do. Keep your judgment in check and be kind. Give others the benefit of the doubt. You will feel better, you will see the good in others, and your relationship interactions will be so much more rewarding.
Defense Mechanism #3: Hysteria: Do you take difficult information and multiply the intensity ten-fold? Are you frantic and irrational? Do you dismiss others’ attempts to reason with you and comfort you? This is a time when you need to understand that feelings are not facts. Just because you feel like the world is coming to an end does not mean that is true. Be gentle to yourself and understand that anxiety is leading your life. Find ways to self-soothe and engage the logical side of your brain. Anxiety is contagious. Right now, everyone is feeling scared and vulnerable. We all have the responsibility to manage our emotions so that we can be our best selves to others around us. This defense mechanism works by relying on others to manage your feelings for you. That is not fair to those around you and makes you feel unnecessarily dependent on others for reassurance. Your family needs you right now. Breathe. Turn off the news. Read a good book. Work a puzzle. We will get through this.
Find something constructive to do. As schools and community events are canceled, we will have much fewer distractions and more time at home. There are so many wonderful things we can do that we never seem to have time for in our busy day-to-day lives. Call the friend that you haven’t talked to in a while. Plant some flowers in your backyard. Clean out a closet. Write a letter. Take a nap. These are luxuries in our normal lives. Enjoy family dinners. Play a board game. Laugh. Take advantage of this time of isolation and make the best of it.
Be the Light. Light always beats the darkness. Find ways to be kind. Help others in need. Figure out ways to support small businesses. Share some extra groceries/supplies with a neighbor in need. Offer prayers and words of encouragement to our healthcare workers and medical community. They are exhausted and need us right now. Be creative in finding ways to fill the gaps for families that are vulnerable. Offer financial assistance and find ways to be a source of love and hope to our communities. As a therapist, I have served on a task force for disaster mental health. I have been on the frontlines of heartbreaking events of school shootings and natural disasters. Despite the immeasurable heartache, I am always so amazed and humbled to see how people show up for others in the most amazing ways. The beauty and goodness of humans in the most difficult times is so incredibly powerful and healing. Let’s do our part to remind ourselves and each other that we are all connected to each other and that humanity and goodness always win. Always.
Times are tough right now, but we will get through it. Our world, our country, and our communities will learn so much from this. We will advance medicine and be a better-educated community. We will see what systems are fractured, and we will make them better. We have to learn to rely on our faith and our relationships when we feel vulnerable. We can find creative ways to use our gifts and talents to serve others in need. We can take some time to slow down and be intentional about how we respond to our feelings and emotions. We can love others and be reminded that we are all interconnected. Our actions and our words have a ripple effect across the world. Let’s be on the side of good. These are lessons that will serve us long after the Corona Crisis is averted. We have the power to enhance our mental wellness and build stronger relationships now more than ever. So, do what has always served our world during times of struggle: listen for instruction from leadership, be kind, be patient, support those on the frontlines, nurture the healers, lean into your faith, and keep your sense of humor. Oh, and wash your hands too. We are going to be okay.
